Hello everyone. I apparently hate myself enough to continue watching Gotham for writing purposes. My hate of this show comes from a deep dark place down in my belly. I flat out dropped it last year because it was just so so so bad. Just because a show is based on a comic book property doesn’t mean that the cast needs to act like a bunch of cartoon characters.

From what I was able to gather from the “Previously On” recap, a bunch of villains have gotten together and assaulted the main Gotham Police building, killing numerous cops and the newly minted police commissioner Sarah Essen. Did Sarah Essen get fridged to give Jim Gordon some motivation in his war on crime? Oh, most definitely.

Gordon at this point is just growling out his lines. It’s almost on par with Christian Bale’s Batman. Can we just make Gordon the goddamn Batman already? In fact, almost anyone could be the Batman. Maybe it could be bad guy organizer/fake good guy Theo Galavan, who certainly has the ears of a bat.

Theo Galavan Bat ears

Or maybe it could be Alfred, who knows how to throw a punch and unwittingly mack on another man’s lady. Alfred horny Bruce. Alfred…horny.

At this point, I wouldn’t be shocked to see little Bruce Wayne don the cape and cowl by the end of the season. Hello Tiny Batman, aren’t you an adorable crime fighter!

This episode’s real eye roller here is Cameron Monaghan’s Joker. Oh, I’m sorry, JEROME. Yes, Gotham insists on calling their Joker Jerome because then they don’t have to definitively pin him down as the Joker. Monaghan is laying it on thick. Admittedly, he does look like he’s having a blast in the role. Who wouldn’t? It’s the Joker. Still, it feels like he’s laying it on thick, even for this show. 20 minutes in, I was wishing that I had Joker gassed myself just like dopey old Harvey Bullock did when he moved a crime scene body to inspect a mysterious cannister. Bullock, you clod!

Bullock Gas

Oh yeah, that crime scene body was Mark Margolis, better known as Uncle Tio from Breaking Bad. He showed up for two minutes just to deliver some speech about Jeroker being evil incarnate or some shit.

So, Jeroker shows up for some fundraiser in Margolis’ place as a MAGICIAN while wearing a Dostoyevsky beard. I yearned to trade places with Dostoyevsky at that moment, be it in the grave or a Russian prison.

It all ends with Theo Galavan giving some really cheesy fake hero act to the TV cameras and stabbing Jeroker in the neck. Wait, the Joker is dead? So he’s not the Joker? Maybe they’ll do like 10 different Jokers. Ugh who gives a shit. There’s some nonsense about the people being inspired by his appearance to commit random murders. There’s also a bunch of stuff about Barbara Kean being a Harley Quinn type and super jealous of Gordon’s relationship with Dr. Leslie Thompkins. It doesn’t matter. Is the Penguin fat yet? This is all I care about. Make the Penguin fat.