You most likely know Journey from 1:30 A.M. at the bar. People are half asleep and preparing stumble home. But then you hear the familiar opening bars of “Don’t Stop Believin’”, the five time winner of the best bar singalong award according to Alcoholics Anonymous Magazine.

However, Journey’s catalog runs deep. The band has recorded countless songs played at high school dances and its fair share of music videos. Of these music videos, none are better than “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)”.

Filmed entirely on the docks of some vague city, the “Separate Ways” video tells a complex tale of scorned love and denim jackets. Right off the bat, we have gold. A shot of the whole band, sans instruments. There’s a Canadian tuxedo, white pants, Steve Perry in a cutoff t-shirt, and some god damn AIR KEYBOARD.

Separate Ways Air Keyboard

However, putting the instruments back in doesn’t make things any less goofy. What is going on with that keyboard stand? Is it a strand of DNA? Look at that tiny, square bass!

Separate Ways Instrumentation

We are then introduced to our stone cold FOX, followed by a series of dramatic Steve Perry closeups. The real money shot is when Jonathan Cain paws at his invisible keyboard like he’s a little kitty cat with a toy mouse on a string.

Separate Ways Cat Claws

Cain is clearly the video’s MVP. His air keyboarding is magnificent. I’m torn though. Is it better than…the wall keyboard!?

Separate Ways Wall Keyboard

Oh my god YES. “Separate Ways” also happens to feature the ideal 80s woman. Look at that mullet! The white leather jacket! The steely glare! I have unconfirmed reports that the shirt underneath is a pink and black version of Eddie Van Halen’s guitar pattern.

Separate Ways Stone Cold FOX

Sadly, the ultimate 80s woman is scarred for life when she is ambushed by two member of the band in a horrifying sequence. First, they hit her with the aviators.

Separate Ways Hello 1

Oh god! But it gets worse, because here comes the Keymaster!

Separate Ways Hello 2

She must be a robot to just sit there while the men from Journey ambush her. At this point, “Separate Ways” has become a seaside horror story. Will this android woman be able to escape the mulleted men of (not even remotely) metal? No, there is no escape. Journey is everywhere. The lyrics “someday, love will find you” is less of a promise and more of a threat. I was quiet when Journey came for her, who will speak when Journey comes for me?

Lastly, we need to mention these oil drum-drums. Pretty on the nose here foosball mesh shirt man.

Separate Ways Oil Drums

You can watch the glory that is the Separate Ways video below.

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