Ah, Skid Row. Remember them? If you watched VH1 a bunch about 10 years ago then yes, you probably do. Otherwise, who can blame ya? Think of Skid Row as the east coast Guns N Roses, minus all the…um, talent.

Bon Jovi’s Jersey buddies actually did make a whole lot of money in the late 80s/early 90s. Perhaps their most recognizable song is “18 and Life”, which has a fantastic literal video. Literal videos are the best.

We begin with a bunch of sad guys in prison, probably lamenting how they’re not shivving someone at the moment. This is what toilet wine is for, you fools!

Skid Row Prison Bummer

This is followed by a flashback to our protagonist’s time before landing in the slammer. Poor Ricky, he just isn’t getting along with his father. Presumably, Ricky ruined his pop’s only other clean A-shirt. How else is Papa Ricky supposed to contain his mighty gut thunder around the house? This aggression will not stand!

Skid Row Stop

Poor Ricky is thrown out of the house through the glass front door, as is tradition in New Jersey. Bruce Springsteen has been thrown through at least 27 glass front doors in his life.

Hey CLARENCE, you ever been thrown through a glass door!?
Hey CLARENCE, you ever been thrown through a glass door!?

I really love his buddy, just hanging out on the front porch while this all goes down. He’s always by his side. He’s the 80s hair metal Samwise Gamgee to Ricky’s Frodo Baggins. He will follow him to the end, and DOES.

 Skid Row High Five

This video turns into Ted Nugent’s worst nightmare: a PSA on gun violence. Yeah, Ricky’s had his fun. But you know how he can have more fun? With his dad’s GUN.

Zoinks Scoob, a g-g-g-g-GUN!
Zoinks Scoob, a g-g-g-g-GUN!

Ricky is all loosey goosey with his six shooter. Hahaha look at me best friend, I am holding a deadly weapon at your face, isn’t that funny?

Skid Row Oh Hai Gun

Ultimately, a night of carefree bottle shooting in a shady alley turns deadly. Ricky, having had enough of Samwise Jersey’s talk of going back to the best diner in the Shire for some tomatoes and whatever the heck else they eat in North Jersey, turns the gun on his best pal. Just in case it isn’t painfully obvious that he shot him, he leaves this helpful graffiti.

Skid Row Smilie Face

Truly a tragic tale. At least Ricky didn’t end up in jail for being fat.

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