• Resist the urge to call your cycling group, The Pedalphiles. Trust me.
  • It’s a simple question professor! Would you eat the moon if it was made of Fritos? – me, in college
  • Whenever there is a lull in conversation, it’s always good to tell someone how ticklish you are.
  • Fun Fact: in a pinch, a gym membership card can be used to cut a piece of cake.
  • A naked fart lets us know exactly how effectively our clothing acts as a filter.
  • Pizza IS cheesy bread, you fat bastards!
  • I realized, way too late in life that there was inedible paper surrounding fast food burgers.
  • Would it be better or worse to hear Sesame Street’s Count list off the amount of sexual partners your significant other had before you?