6:45 am: I wake up and look over at my wrist. There is no Apple Watch on it. The disappointment flows through my body like the Nile River. 

7:30 am: I rub my wrist at the phantom feel of the Watch. It need it. I need to feel it tap tap tap me ever so gently. I call out from work. I must solve this problem.

8:30 am: I arrive at the Apple store. Doves fly as I open those giant glass doors. I grab the first Genius I can find by his shirt. “Give me the Apple Watch!” I yell. He tries to tell me they don’t have it yet. He must be lying.

11:03 am: After attempting to speak to 14 different Geniuses at 3 different Apple stores, I give up on the straightforward approach. This will require some guile.

11:36 am: Ripped off by a man on the street who offered me an Apple Watch for $50 on the spot. He gave me a Livestrong bracelet with a shattered iPhone 3gs glued to it. Damned be all.

12:47 pm: Lunch. This salad does nothing to quench my hunger for watch technology.

4:00 pm: I purchase two Galaxy Gears for each wrist in an attempt to feel alive for the first time.

4:05 pm The Galaxy Gears have been smashed repeatedly with a tack hammer and thrown into the gutter.

6:27 pm Life is meaningless.

9:00 pm After mulling the situation over three glasses of whiskey, I have decided that I must sneak into the Apple store after hours and take their stock of hidden watches for myself.

11:35 pm Still can’t find the WATCH. I have looked everywhere.

11:48 pm Typg f plce carrrrr plz snd bail mongfdndfn