The trailer for Michael Bay’s new Ninja Turtles movie is out, and it’s kind of terrifying. SUUUUURE, there’s some of that lovable Ninja Turtle humor in there. SUUUUURE they live in the sewer and battle the Shredder. These big old CGI turtles are terrifying.


Megan Fox is April O’Neil, and all the effects and tone is very much in the Michael Bay tone. That information is all you need to determine whether or not you’ll like this movie.


There appears to be some story about April’s father creating the Turtles to be heroes or something. It sounds like Bay and company really liked The Amazing Spider-Man.

I am personally disturbed by the lack of pizza and talking about pizza. I really like pizza. Plus, they’re lacking the leadership of the greatest man of all time, Vanilla Ice. Tragic, really.