Of course there’s spoilers in here. Look at the title! 



I’m tired. So tired.

Lalalalalalala I noticed this much shows up on the Facebook blurb and initial lead-in to this site, so now I’m just killing time. How’s things? Great, glad to hear it. 

Give it another sentence? How about that Theon, eh? Sure does that quivering well.

Ok, we good? 


Proving yet again that they can kill anyone and everyone, Game of Thrones changed the game for the zillionth time. Joffrey’s death will be felt throughout Westeros, much like his execution of Ned Stark.

And now season 4, only in episode 2 mind you, ups the ante and prepares to play a season long version of Clue. Westeros is now 1 for 4 in weddings*, which isn’t a great track record. Clearly Tyrion didn’t do it, even if Cersei thinks he did, but there’s a long list of potential culprits in attendance at the royal wedding.

(Editor’s note: I didn’t even think to include Khal Drogo’s wedding, which was an arranged, forced marriage with rape and murder. But everyone seemed to enjoy themselves well enough. Soooo, 2 for 5?)

Oberyn Martell

Oberyn is new to the show and King’s Landing, but he’s already established himself as dangerous, horny (not relevant, but he doesn’t have an off switch), and a man who hates the Lannisters. What better way is there to get back at them then taking out their prize pig?

Dontos Hollard

Dontos is a former knight, who was demoted down to fool when he showed up drunk at a ceremony for Joffrey. He clearly had a hand in Joffrey’s fate by the way he rushed Sansa out of there. Even with all of that motivation, it’s highly unlikely that he acted alone.

The Tyrells

Margaery and Lady Olenna learned just how fucking terrible Joffrey was from Sansa back in season 3. Would they use this knowledge to go ahead and poison the king at his own wedding feast once the vows had been exchanged? They seem more like manipulators than murderers, but one never knows.


Varys may be the wild card here. He stated back in season 1 that he serves the realm above all else. Perhaps he made the decision to take Joffrey out, for the good of the realm. Varys has a lot of pull behind closed doors, and has a hand in a good chunk of the wheelings and dealings in King’s Landing. If Varys wasn’t behind this assassination, he probably knows who is.


Cersei has been losing control of the throne ever since Margaery Tyrell arrived in King’s Landing. She knows her son was a little spoiled shit who wants to destroy everything he can touch. She also despises her brother Tyrion, so she’s got plenty of motivation to set him up. But would she actually have her own son poisoned? It’s unlikely, but you can’t count anyone out on this show.

Tywin Lannister

He’s insanely disappointed in his children. He’s as aware as anyone that Joffrey is a spoiled, murderous brat. Tywin is very concerned with his legacy, and Joffrey doesn’t exactly scream distinguished heir. This could be his chance to seize control for himself.


Maybe the whole thing will be like Who Shot Mr. Burns and Tommen will be the culprit. However it works out, I’m going to miss Joffrey.

Don’t get me wrong, he was the worst. But he was fantastic at being the worst. Jack Gleeson played such a great contemptible asshole. Joffrey was a completely irredeemable character, and perfect for his role on the show. I’ll miss laughing at his preening and posturing. I’ll miss laughing at his petty attempts to assert himself in public. But, you know what I’ll miss most of all? Joffrey getting slapped.

gif via awesomegifs.com

Blah blah blah

  • There were some terrific visuals in this episode, the highlight being Bran’s visions. Really gorgeous work by the production team.
  • I really enjoyed the over the top nature of the royal wedding, especially the giant Lion’s head that is used to present Joffrey’s actors for their portrayal of the War of the Five Kings.
  • I need all the gifs of Joffrey chopping up Tyrion’s gift.
  • Jaime is training to fight left handed with Bronn. I love everything about this.
  • Cersei vs. Brienne should be a lot of fun. Ah, the power of incestuous love. Pretty excited for Huey Lewis to put that together.
  • Just like Bran, I’m often pulled out of my dream states by someone yelling, “Hodor!”