I don’t have a particular storyline in Mockingbird that I want to concentrate on, so let’s do a Westeros beer flight sample tasting instead.

Tyrion’s Cell

Tyrion ended last week’s episode with his demand for a trial by combat. The first time he pulled that card, he counted on Bronn and his greed to get him out of his plight. The well has run dry as Bronn has already been bought.

Seeing Bronn and Tyrion part under such circumstances was difficult to watch. They’ve been such a great pairing throughout Game of Thrones that it’s hard to imagine the show without them palling around. Yet, here we are. Bronn is a greedy scoundrel, but that’s why the audience and Tyrion like him. It’s possible this could be the last time we see him on Game of Thrones.The Mountain Will Sasso

This leaves Tyrion alone in despair. Cersei’s champion is Gregor Clegane, better known as The Mountain. Clegane chopped the head off of his horse in a fit of rage, burned his sibling’s face for playing with his toys, has raped and killed countless people, and seems to change bodies nearly once a season. For some reason, this latest version looks like Will Sasso. Not his most intimidating form IMHO.


Cersei’s choice of the most intimidating and ferocious warrior in the five kingdoms may be Tyrion’s saving grace. Since his first appearance on the show, Oberyn Martell has made it known that he is looking for The Mountain so that he can avenge his sister. The Red Viper is going to be Tyrion’s champion, and the fight promises to be rather badass.


I’m sure there’s an awful dragon pun to be made for Daenerys making Daario strip before they got it on, but it escapes me at the moment. Daario doesn’t like police work, he just likes invading and killing things. Ser Jorah Friendzone doesn’t trust Daario, and was none too pleased to see his precious Khaleesi get it on outside of an arranged marriage. So a bunch of guys are going back to take back Yunkai and I’m still not connecting with this part of the story.

Hound and a Half

Hound and a Half


Sandor Clegane might be one of my favorite characters on GoT. The Hound is despicable in a number of ways, but he’s fascinating. Ever since his brother, the (far worse) aforementioned Mountain, burned his face as a child, Sandor has been a hard, angry lump of a man. He had his duty to the King and crown, before he told the King to fuck off. Now, Joffrey is dead and he has a price on his head. All he has is Arya and the possible ransom money that he could get for her. Things should get plenty interesting if he shows up at the Eyrie looking to cash in now that the owner has fallen on hard times.

(Editor’s note: I hate Steve so god damn much)

Castle Black

Another week, another stupid fucking decision from The Night’s Watch because they love bureaucracy and looking down on Jon Snow. Is it too late for Jon to go back to the Wildlings?


Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs…

Oh yeah, Stannis’ daughter Shireen has to go with them to war or something because the fire said so. I’m sure Melisandre just wants Davos’ reading lessons to continue without a hitch.

Brienne and Pod

I keep waiting for Brienne to say that she’s “getting too old for this shit” after having to deal with Podrick Payne in their journey for Sansa Stark. They have an adorable relationship, in that Brienne wants to tell him to fuck off every five seconds. Do the shippers have a cutesy name like “BriPod” for them yet? If not, I’m taking credit for that.

It was nice to see the greatest name in Westeros pop back up in Hot Pie, even if he has grown a foot since we last saw him. The best thing Hot Pie does, besides that sweet bread dire wolf he baked for Arya, is point BriPod (I hate myself too Mr. Editor) in the right direction. Please let this lead to a Brienne-Hound showdown.

The Eyrie

I knew the moon door was going to come into play as soon as it was revealed that Sansa was going to stay with her crazy aunt in the Vale of Arryn. It’s such a great story device. A giant door in the middle of the throne room for instant executions. It was only a matter of time before someone found themselves hanging over it.

King creep Petyr Baelish finally made his move on Sansa and drove Lysa over the edge. For those who didn’t find it fairly obvious, a large part of Littlefinger’s motivation for organizing the hit on Joffrey was revenge for Catelyn Stark. The man has only ever loved one woman, as he’s mentioned time and time again. But this is Baelish’s power grab. He’s married into one of the best fortifications in Westeros. He’s holding one of the few remaining Starks. He’s ready to make a move.

Seeing batshit insane Lysa hold his key to the North and the closest thing that he has to his beloved Catelyn over the moon door meant the jig was up. He had to make his move. Goodnight moon door, goodnight Lysa. I’m sure your beloved Robin will be joining you shortly.