Deadspin reported yesterday that Donald Sterling “was only saying racist things to get laid.”

So, there’s that.

We’d like to propose some less racist and maybe even less offensive pickup lines for Sterling to use in the future. Here goes nothing:

10. Let’s play bank teller and you accept my deposit.
9. I’ll show you a Magic Johnson.
8. No? How about my Larry Bird?
7. Yeah, I’ve been on the Queen Victoria, Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mary. What the hell’s a cruise ship?
6. Screw racist tapes. Let’s make a sex tape.
5. Do you know that they based Leo’s character on Django off of me?
4. It’s not like I’m a skinhead. Just look how bushy it is.
3. How much?
2. If you think gold is precious, you should try a little Sterling.
1. Hey baby you wanna know what it’s like to be a sarcophagus?