Hey guys, you still with us here? This volume of True Detective is a real stop and go affair. Let’s talk about Velcoro’s family sbdji slb bd bklsdzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Look, there’s a weird corpse! “Down Will Come” continued that trend, rambling along for the first 40ish minutes and finishing strong.



Last week, Semyon procured a golden grill as a part of his quest to regain his territory. The man can’t even get avocados to grow on his land now, let alone a baby to grow in his wife’s belly! [Fire Emoji}

Frank just can’t escape feeling impotent. He’s still getting shit from every former associate that he meets with as he attempts to get back in the game. He can’t even sweeten up his coffee without getting some shade tossed his way, forcing Frank to whip out his dental record. It’s a good thing he got that organized crime DENTAL PLAN.

He also has to have a man-off with a legitimate businessman and former boyfriend of his wife played by Roy from The Office. I understand casting David Denman as a small town war vet wrongfully beating the ideal 1950s businessman, I never thought I would see him as the well-to-do type. I’m sorry, I just can’t help but think about Roy and his brother taking the jet skis out to the lake.


Not that there’s anything wrong with that

Hey, Paul Woodrugh, it’s 2015, it’s okay if you like men. You don’t need to pop Viagra and pretend to have a girlfriend. Go all out my man! No, this is a world for men who like women and not other men. Paul Woodrugh lives his life by the philosophy of “no memory, no waffles, no homo.”

Sadly, Woodrugh’s sweet wheels were stolen while he was off making that sweet, forbidden love. He can’t even get back to his hotel to rest off his hangover and those vultures in the press are waiting for him. Thankfully, he’s got the master of hangovers around to pick him up: Ray Velcoro’s glove compartment is a choose your own adventure treasure trove of bad decisions.

Velcoro Treasure Chest

The Woodrugh fun don’t stop there though. True Detective’s resident repressed man is going to be a father! Congratulations Paul, maybe you can boner pill the gay away. Surely this won’t blow up in his face at all.


Auras and Assholes

Over in Bezzeridesland, Ani has found herself suspended due to a complaint for sexual harassment. You can picture Nic Pizzolatto chuckling as he writes dialogue about such a complaint never happening to a man. You wanted your equality, ladies – bahahaha!

While Ani might be off the force at home, her task force life is just dandy. She even gets to visit her dad and listen to him get wowed by Ray Velcoro’s large aura. I think he was just smelling the pound of weed that Velcoro smoked when he woke up that morning.

Then there was some conspiracy stuff. The mayor of Vinci is a dick and is probably in the thick of the whole conspiracy. You know the drill. Look, let’s get to the meat, shall we?



Yoooooo, that is what I’m talking about! That was one hell of a tense shootout to end the episode. One second we’re looking at a routine raid for a big potential suspect, the next we are looking at a big ass meth lab explosion and countless civilians being shot down in a fashion approaching parody. It’s all a little ridiculous, especially the setup with the big protest right next to the meth-making warehouse, but it’s still effective.

What really worked about the whole thing was just how traumatic the experience was. This wasn’t a heroic moment for anyone. What was supposed to be a simple raid turned into a very public bloodbath. This is the kind of scene that doesn’t leave a person.

The fourth episode was where True Detective grabbed a vice-like grip on its audience back in the first season. The episode ending tracking shot following Rust Cohle trying to survive an undercover mission gone wrong was the show’s signature piece. This isn’t quite that, but what is? That was as dynamic a sequence as I’ve ever seen on television. This shootout was a violent thriller that hopefully acts as a shot in the arm of an inconsistent season.


Blah blah blah

    • For some reason I really thought David Denman was in Zero Dark Thirty. I guess I got confused with Chris Pratt’s presence in that film and Denman’s upcoming role in Michael Bay’s (sure to be terrible) Benghazi film. He was apparently in After Earth (After Earf?) though. That’s a damn shame.
    • It’s probably a hackneyed line from somewhere else, but I liked “Sometimes your worst self is your best self.” Semyon wants Velcoro all-in.
    • Vinci reminds me of how Al Capone used Cicero, IL as his home base just outside of Chicago.
    • R.I.P. to the sleeziest of sleeze, Detective Teague Dixon. I’ve been a fan of W. Earl Brown since seeing him as Dan Dority on Deadwood and was enjoying him as a useless mess here.
    • Vulture did a pretty good mashup of True Detective and Starsky and Hutch.